Yelling at the ground

Grow

A number of years ago, while I was meditating, a very strong image entered my mind. I was kneeling on the ground, in the dirt, waving my arms, nearly spitting as I shouted, “Grow, dammit! Grow”

A few days before that meditation I had been sitting with my friend, Marissa. She was a therapist too and graduated from the same program a year ahead of me. I was fresh out of school and really focused on building my business for the first time. I had decided to go the route of a private practice type model rather than working in a more social work/community mental health setting. Many of my friends and colleagues were doing the same. As far as I could tell, their practices were growing. They were getting intakes. They were getting new clients. They were making money.

I was still hustling on the side- cleaning a house for a couple working in tech, and walking their dog. I told Marissa how frustrated I was. I was trying to promote my work, but it didn’t seem to be working. I wasn’t getting calls that often. Not like my friends. 

So when Marissa looked at me and said, “Your practice is growing,” I thought she must not be listening. Weird for another therapist… 

“I’m not getting new clients.”

“Yeah. I know. But people are hearing about you. They’re starting to get to know you and your work. Your reputation is building. The seed is growing. You just can’t see it.” I was annoyed still, but I understood her point.

Days later when I saw myself spitting at the ground, and screaming like I’d gone mad, I realized, and it pains me to say, that that was my attitude toward my business. I was anxious and angry. I was so afraid that I’d be destitute, that things wouldn’t work out. I didn’t feel any spaciousness. If I were that little seed, I wouldn't want to come out of the ground either!

I realized there was part of this process that I couldn’t see, and that I couldn’t know. But there were parts that I could do something about. I could water the seed, pull out the weeds, and make sure it got enough sun. It’s probably not a good idea for me to angrily scratch it out of the ground to make damn sure it’s growing. That won’t help. I have to do my part, and I have to be patient. I have to trust.

Business Mindset

So much of being a therapist and having your own business is spiritual. I know I’ve had a lot to work through to find ease and success in my business. Tons of money mindset work, connecting with abundance, healing residue from injuries to my sense of self-worth that got laid down when I was very young. You can post on Instagram every day. You can take all the DIY marketing classes you want. But if you don’t believe that it is okay for you to have abundance, it’s going to have a hard time coming to you.

Creating a business that works for you is always a combination of the nitty-gritty leg work like marketing, client relationship management, and your own spiritual practices of clearing out anything that is blocking you. This clearing out is a continual process. A lot of these limiting beliefs are sticky. You know this. You’re a therapist! So we come back over and over to tend to and heal the parts of ourselves that have been wounded, that need to be updated, and that need to be reminded that things have changed. Those tactics are ones you developed to keep you safe long ago, and it might be time to begin to let them go. You’re not there anymore. Things are different now. 

You can’t rush this stuff. So don’t. You also need to keep going. So just put one foot in front of the other. 

Don’t rush. Don’t stop. You can do this.