Find your soul client
Who do You Serve?
A friend shared the prompt, “What do you need to hear today? What do your people need to hear today?”
I guess that makes sense because I tend to serve people who are like me in many ways. Not always, but a lot of the time. You’ve probably noticed that too. The clients who are drawn to you often have a lot in common. And when you grow, they seem to grow too and vice versa. We call that ‘parallel process’, but I think that’s only a sliver of what’s going on.
Your healing process is important to you. It is for most therapists. You have learned throughout your life what helps and what hurts, and this informs how you support clients. Of course, we need to remember that our clients aren’t us, that we don’t “know” what’s best for them, and that they’re on their own journeys. Our own journeys are valuable resources, ways to connect and empathize.
The old guard of therapy is dying. It just doesn’t make sense anymore. The archetype of the removed “expert” sitting behind the client, occasionally offering an “interpretation” has its benefits, but most people want to feel connected to their therapist. They want to know that you’re a person, a real person. And there’s a good chance they’re drawn to you because of who you are, and what you’ve been through, even if they don’t know it. A lot of people aren’t looking for an “expert.” They’re looking for someone they can connect and relate to.
Every clinician I know who has a really successful practice works with people who are in many ways like them. That’s where I ended up. I didn’t mean to, not at first, but I did. And I love it. In my therapy practice, I help people recovering from addiction and codependency. In my coaching work, I help therapists access their self-worth, heal their relationships with money, and build practices that are sustainable and aligned with their social justice values.
Who are You?
Who are you? Your journey, your mistakes, your victories, are your biggest assets. The places where you’re growing are likely the key to who your ideal client is. What is challenging you now? What is around the corner? There’s a really good chance that who you’re meant to work with is who you will benefit the most. What feels exciting and a little scary, “too much”? This is your soul work. The work that is unique to you.
There’s a good chance there will be some resistance. And maybe self-doubt. “I’m not qualified. I don’t know enough. There are already so many people that specialize in ______. Where would I find those clients?! I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m not sure if I’m even good at this. ”
That’s okay. I feel and think about those things too. It’s all just variations on the theme of “not enough.” While it is true that there are real ethical and legal things to consider (we have to be careful about how we use the word “expert” in our field) there is a strong chance that you know more than you think you do. Especially if you are a woman, queer, a person of color, indigenous, or any other person who has been systematically told that they are not enough.
You are Enough
These days, I don’t often have people overtly telling me I’m not enough. But to be honest, I don’t need them to. Those messages have been so deeply ingrained. And it’s those messages that I have to work to dismantle and challenge. It’s not fair. It’s wrong and it should have never been this way. And it was/is. So with that reality, I have to do what I can to liberate my spirit from those lies. My well-being depends on it. My life depends on it. And I can only make myself available to the people who most need me if I am willing to take this on this work.
Lilla Watson said, “If you have come here to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up in mine, then let us work together.”
Our liberation is inextricably linked. In recent months, many of us have become more acutely aware of how connected we all are. It’s a truth that has always been but has been easy to ignore. Now it’s in our faces, it's nearly impossible to escape, though some continue to try. We are all in this together. We can’t be free until all of us are free. Your personal freedom is necessary for the liberation of all beings. It is important. It is valuable. It is crucial.
It’s also okay to take breaks and breathers. To rest. To not always “be on.” This is tough work. So get your crew, your support people, I can be one of them, and let’s do this work together. For ourselves. For each other. For the liberation of all beings.
